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OktoBairdFest Week 2: Stan Helsing

2020.10.11 22:01 sadazine OktoBairdFest Week 2: Stan Helsing

OktoBairdFest Week 2: Stan Helsing

Diora Baird - Stan Helsing


Obviously, Stan Helsing was selected this week in preparation for Indigenous People’s Day tomorrow (note: put charity receipt in comments to make up for this line). I am a sucker for a parody movie and have watched all the horror films this movie references so my hopes were a bit too high when this first came out. Leslie Nielsen’s comedy career admittedly went into a descent post Airplane and the Naked Gun but his participation was enough to perk my ears. Kenan Thompson is hilarious. The person who wrote, directed, produced, and had a bit part in this had executive produced Scary Movie - which the goal here is to reproduce - but the fact that his IMDB bio ends here turns out to be telling.
On this viewing, however, I came armed with incredibly low expectations plus I got high before watching which I discovered after the fact is what Diora and the lead suggest to do in this interview. There is also a scene 13 minutes in where they are all passing a blunt in a car that backs this idea up.

Quick Plot

A video store clerk who is the descendant of a monster killer ends up killing some monsters in a gated community (or small town?) after he detours his friends from attending a Halloween party.

Diora’s Character

Diora plays Nadine who is the ex-girlfriend of Stan (or at least went on a few dates with him). She is second billed which I guess is accurate but this is mainly because she is the love interest as the top four characters basically appear in all their scenes together. I realize this is a “dumb” parody movie but the lack of an attempt of arc for any character makes it really hard to care about anything and Nadine has zero backstory - one doesn’t learn her occupation or any prior facts.
If you are reading this reddit, you are probably aware of the one major thing this movie has going for it and that is Nadine/Diora in a very skimpy Indian/Native American/Pocahontas costume that I am pretty sure would stop everyone dead in their tracks if they saw her in public wearing. If the outfit in the previous review garnered $100 at auction, I wonder what this one would get. Starting at 15:50, this movie just becomes a series of full body shots of her at a steady interval while framed by the other characters - it is hard to select which shot is the best one. Plus for good measure, there is a flashback scene of her in a blue sweater that is very alluring - and in a sequence I found very funny re-watching just now.

There are four different scenes with references to her bust - 2 boob grab scenes plus 2 lighting scenes including the “Holy Chest of Mystery” in addition to a leaf blower scene that would be more impactful if she wasn’t already wearing so little. One thing that struck me on this viewing is that while she looks stunning, there is really nothing particularly sexy the character does. There is an (unearned) 360 degree kissing shot at the end but that is really more just amusing for going on too long.
There is also a scene on a bed for the Nightmare on Elm Street parody portion which reminded me that Diora’s characters (usually famously) have a very high rate of appearing on beds. Perhaps best broken down elsewhere but she should be a spokesperson for Capser or Leesa.
The most disappointing aspect of this movie is that in her sitcom work, movies like Accepted, and even from interviews in real life, she can be very funny and steal a scene yet in this feature-length comedy where she is on-screen throughout her character is the straight-man and has very little comedy to do. Her funniest moments are reaction shots during the flashback scene or karaoke or responding to some of her fellow actors’ insanity.

When Does Diora First Appear

5:50 - She is in the backseat of the van when they pick up Stan on the way to the Halloween party and they all stay together from then on.

Does Diora Die?

Nah - this movie is more comedy “parody” than horror. I think there is one on-screen death and no gore.

Best Line

The dialogue in this movie was not strong - especially Nadine’s part - but just for shock value:
“I can’t believe that guy was watching you pee while he masturbated.”
Followed up by:
“Hey, we’re not whores.”
“That doesn’t make sense, you stupid bitch”
“A little deeper. A few more inches.”
”Looks like nobody’s getting blown tonight”

Favorite Scene

Really any scene with a full-body shot of Diora in that outfit but to choose something:
1:13:23 - The gang’s performance during the karaoke battle where Nadine is one of the backup dancers and does some shimmies that are hard to forget plus over-the-top eye contact with the protagonist during song lyrics of getting back together.


If all one wants is a lot of shots of Diora in a Halloween cosplay fantasy, this movie delivers that and that is about it. Even the one outtake during the credits of the four main characters trying to coordinate reacting to a sharp right turn leaves me stunned that nothing funnier happened on set. That being said it was easy enough to watch with plenty of scenes that will lead to a smirk on your face though falling short of outright laughter - but enter with really low expectations … and preferably altered.
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